Flesh it Out (06/27/22)

Read Joshua chapter 22.

Lessons Concerning Conflict:

1.  Just because it looks a certain way doesn't mean it is that way.

2.  An awkward conversation now is better than a war later.

3.  Verify before you vilify.

4.  There is a reason why people do things.  Take initiative to understand the "why."

5.  Don't escalate prematurely.  Involve as few as possible as much as possible.  Don't send the entire army when a delegation will suffice.  When you intimidate, you shut things down.

Foolish But Not Stupid (Prov. 17:12)

Read Proverbs 17:12.

A fool can do more harm to me than my being mauled by a bear.  That means a fool can be a violent, disturbed and antagonistic individual.  A fool may be foolish, but he/she isn't stupid. Beware.

Mary & Martha (Lu. 10:38-42)

Read Luke 10:38-42.

• Contrasts
• Mary stayed seated, focused on listening, and said nothing.
• Martha got up and down, focused on doing, and complained about Mary.
• Similarities
• They were sisters.
• They both sat at Jesus' feet and heard Him.
• Mary never got up but kept on listening.
• Martha got up to serve, which suggests that her initial posture was the same as Mary's.
• Observations
• This appears to have been Martha's house.
• Jesus didn't say Martha's service was unnecessary or unappreciated.
• No words were spoken by Mary.
• Lessons
• The issue might not be the issue.
• Martha thought the issue was Mary's neglect and selfishness.
• Jesus said the issue was Martha's anxiety and agitation.  Jesus knows your heart and will call you on what's inside it!
• It is easier to serve than to listen.
• Beware the distraction of doing!
• Listening requires delight and discipline.
• Just because something is helpful doesn't mean it is necessary.
• It is easier to monitor someone else's not serving than it is to monitor your own soul.
• Jesus said Martha was anxious and troubled about many things.  Some people attempt to ignore or minimize their lack by keeping busy.

Quote By A. W. Tozer

"Humility always wins where force cannot win."

Tozer, A. W.  Voice of A Prophet.  Ed. James L. Snyder.  Minneapolis, MN:  Bethany House, 2014.  p. 62.

Challenges & Conversations (02/09/16)

Sunday morning before service is not the time to air grievances.  This applies also to Sunday night before service, Wednesday night before praise and prayer, and before any scheduled prayer meeting.

When you walk in with angst on your face and a coldness stiffer than the Winter breeze that howled through the front door, you have made your statement!  There is no need to say anything. Of course, you do say something, and you say it within earshot of people who aren't involved in the situation.   They shouldn't have their personal space invaded by stray arrows from your target practice.  Perhaps it is meant as a private conversation, only you don't realize how far sound carries.  (Could this be one reason why a disproportionate number of people come to church right at start time or a few minutes late? What I've referred to previously as "planned laziness" might be a survival technique for minimizing exposure to relational fallout.)

You're not about to call the offender during the week to setup a meeting to express your disappointment.  No, it appears that you wait strategically until maximum damage can be spread.  I sure hope that's all it is -- an appearance.  (If it's not appearance and it is your intent to inflict damage, may I name your offence?  You are a verbal cactus!)

This is not to suggest that you have no valid concern or that your disappointment and hurt shouldn't be acknowledged.  There is a way to resolve conflict.  Speaking within earshot of people who are not involved in the issue is not the way.

Do you know why prior to service is not an appropriate time?  Your mini-outburst, confined as it might be within a small perimeter, poisons the atmosphere and deposits unsolicited heaviness in the heart of anyone who is unfortunate enough to overhear.  He or she gets robbed of joy and is now agitated. The Holy Spirit is grieved.  You're in no frame of mind to participate in worship, let alone receive anything from God. Everyone loses, as it were, but hey, at least you got it off your chest, right?

If you wonder why some pastors aren't highly visible until the start of the opening song, this could be a consideration in that preference.  No pastor wants to have a heavy heart and a distracted mind before stepping into the pulpit, even when he is guilty as charged.

Challenges & Conversations (11/10/15)

If you leave the garbage on the porch long enough, the garbage will _____. "Stink" is the right answer.  One thing the garbage will not do is take itself out.

If you leave the dishes in the sink long enough, the dishes will _____.  "Stay there" is the right answer.  One thing the dishes will not do is wash themselves.

What do these examples have in common?  Something that could get done doesn't get done because of neglect.

If you leave your hurt in your heart long enough, the hurt will _____.  There are too many right answers to list.  One thing the hurt will not do is heal itself.  Hurt -- now that's a critical issue! Hurt will nurse itself but not heal itself.

The thing with the garbage -- other people might smell the stink before you do.  Bringing it to your attention -- awkward!  The thing with the dishes -- other people might get uncomfortable before you do.  Bringing it to your attention -- awkward!  The thing with your hurt -- other people might recognize it's damaging effects before you do.  Bringing it to your attention -- awkward!

Today's conversation:  Why don't we want to talk about and deal with hurt?  What are we hoping to gain by pretending it doesn't exist?  Why do we react negatively when someone wants to help us get over the hurt?

Dealing with Conflict (Rom. 12:8-19)

One of your leaders says something to you about an idea he doesn't support.  It's not that you demand uniformity, but his comment sounds like a backdoor threat.  If he doesn't get his way, he won't be a part of it.  If he doesn't get his way, he might leave. You didn't see THAT coming!  You scratch your head and wonder, "What?"  What did you do to deserve such a response?  Welcome to conflict!  It happens frequently to Christian leaders.  If you don't accidentally find conflict, conflict will intentionally find you.  I promise.

Here is some wisdom from Romans 1:8-19.  The context isn't necessarily conflict, but the principles are helpful.

• Lead diligently (12:8).  Don't interpret an attack on one thing as a referendum on your leadership as a whole.
• Love sincerely (12:9-10).  Treat people as people, not as adversaries or inconveniences or production units. 
• Live fervently (12:11-12).  Maintain spiritual zeal.  Build a strong soul.  Cultivate joy, patience and faithfulness.  Watch your heart.
• Engage personally (12:13-16).  Don't shut down, shut out or shut away.  Stay engaged with people.  Take the high ground.
• Forgive continually (12:17-19).  Forget getting even or proving that you're right.  Remember you chose to forgive.  The six hardest words might be "I don't have to be right."

Just because I am right in my idea doesn't mean I am right in my approach.  Just because I am right in my idea doesn't mean I am right in my heart.  Just because I am right in my idea doesn't mean I am right in my relationships.

When Opposition Comes (2 Kin. 2:23-25)

The key word is "when."  It is not a matter of whether you will face opposition.   It is a matter of when you will face it.  Recall what Jesus said in Matthew 5:11-12. 
 
^{MT 5:11} "Blessed are you when people insult you and persecute you, and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of Me.
^{MT 5:12}
"Rejoice and be glad, for your reward in heaven is great; for in the same way they persecuted the prophets who were before you.

Today's passage is about a man named Elisha.  He is about to encounter a mob.  Will he cower in fear and dial 911?  Will he respond in rage and display his mastery of martial arts?  Will he keep walking, turn up his iPod and just stare at the ground?

^{2KI 2:23}Then he went up from there to Bethel; and as he was going up by the way, young lads came out from the city and mocked him and said to him, "Go up, you baldhead; go up, you baldhead!"
^{2KI 2:24}
When he looked behind him and saw them, he cursed them in the name of the LORD. Then two female bears came out of the woods and tore up forty-two lads of their number.
^{2KI 2:25}
He went from there to Mount Carmel, and from there he returned to Samaria.

When opposition comes, it does not mean you did something wrong.  Look what happened before oppposition came.  Elisha had purified the water at Jericho.  That's a good thing, right?  Sometimes opposition comes because you did something right. The goal of the opposition is to divert your focus from God to self.

When opposition comes, it does not mean you deserve it.  What was Elisha doing when opposition came?  He was walking on the Jericho-Bethel Road, minding his own business.  That seems harmless enough, right?  Opposition is a bully that seeks to intimidate, dominate and frustrate.  You don't have to look for opposition. Opposition will look for you.  Ron, isn't that cynical?  If you never have opposition, it is because you're doing nothing worthy of opposition.

When opposition comes, it does not mean you have to defend yourself.  What was the purpose of the young men's assault?  They attacked Elisha's calling and his character.  Expect your opponents to oppose you.  They will attack what you hold dearest and they will attack viciously.  Let God be your Defender.  Notice that Elisha didn't argue with the young men.  God's name was more important than Elisha's reputation.

When opposition comes, it does not mean you should change course.  What was Elisha doing before the opposition came?  He was on his way to Bethel. Did Elisha make it to Bethel?  Yes. He did not get sidetracked by the opposition.  It isn't about whether the opposition has any merit.  It's about whether they can detour you from God's will.  Stay focused on the opportunity, not the opposition.

When opposition comes, act like Elisha – stay focused on what God's called you to do and let Him deal with critical opponents.  Elisha reminds us of Jesus (Isa. 53:7).
　

When Threatened (Jn. 18:19-24)

We're continuing to read through the Gospel of John. Today's reading is John 18:19-40.

When threatened, protect those closest to you (Jn. 18:19).  Jesus responded to the question about His teaching but not the question about His disciples.  See Jn. 17:12; 18:8.

When threatened, let your record speak for itself (Jn. 18:20-21).  The more you talk, the more people will twist it and use it against you.  Be careful what you do and say today.  You may have to account for it tomorrow!  Let the record speak for itself.  (Of course, you can't take solace in this if your record is bad or spotty.)  Be consistent.  Be consistently upright.

When threatened, gently challenge (Jn. 18:23).  Don't manipulate.  Don't yell.  Don't lose control.  Ask calm, cool questions.  (Don't be surprised if such questions are not answered.)

When threatened, don't expect things to get better after just one episode (Jn. 18:24).  Jesus went from Annas to Caiaphas, from Caiaphas to Pilate, from Pilate to Herod, etc.  Conflict doesn't die easily.  Just because you want to put it to rest doesn't mean others do.

Who Bent the Bed Rail?

"Dad, my mattress is crooked." I suppose that's possible, but common sense said it wasn't the mattress. Sure enough, it was the bed rail. A metal rail at that.

"What happened?" I asked. "I don't know." What unknown activity can bend a metal rail while the witnesses have done "nothing"? That's amazing! Now, I'm not stupid. I know the rail had to be bent while the brothers were wrestling or roughhousing.

Do you know how easy it would've been to escalate the "I don't know" into a larger conflict? When it comes to conflict, keep the small thing small. Don't feed it. Don't empower it. Stay focused on what's right and what's better. Having two sons who are safe, having two sons who are best friends -- that's better. Bed rails can be replaced.

Conflict (Prov 15:18)

1. Conflict has more to do with the people involved than the issues involved. The main prognosticator of conflict is anger.
2. Keep a long fuse and don't carry matches. Anger is a fuse that, when lit and allowed to burn, can result in an explosion. Be slow to anger.
3. Adjust the temperature. You may not be able to prevent a conflict, but you can prevent it from becoming worse. Don't escalate things.